Missouri Family Law Blog

As a divorce lawyer we can’t tell you everything to do or not do while going through a divorce but we can share some of the mistakes we have seen other parents make while going through the process. Here is my list of things I hate to hear that parents have said or done to their children while going through a divorce:
1. You to your child—Your mother did this to us! If it weren’t for your cheating father we would still be a happy family. Way to go divorced parent. You just put your kid in the middle of your problem—not theirs.
2. When your child asks you for the registration fee for soccer, for their allowance, or for money to go roller skating with friends you say ask your Father. This also goes hand in hand with the newly divorced parents that we see who every weekend that they have their child they take them to the mall, out to eat, and invariably spend lots of money on the child doing something expensive that the other parent can never compete with.
3. Why don’t you just go live with your mother! You are just like your mother-hard headed and stubborn. Do I really need to explain why this is damaging to your child?
4. Don’t tell Mom or Dad that Ginger/Dan (new boyfriend/girlfriend) were with us this weekend. Don’t tell Mom or Dad where we went or what we did. It’s none of his/her business. Guess what. It is his/her business because that person is also this child’s parent. Encouraging your child to lie is not an example that any parent should strive to set for their child. Plus, in talking with the children who have been encouraged to keep secrets all this does is create more stress and unneeded fear and anxiety for them.
5. Failing to follow through on attending extracurricular activities that you promised your child you would attend and failing to be on time for exchanges. Perhaps you think this is the way to get back at the other parent. In reality you are only teaching your child not to trust you to show up when you say you will and you are also setting an example for them that it is okay to not do what you say you will do.
6. Your mother is so screwed up. She’s sick you know. She’s crazy. I don’t know how you can stand to live with her. Every child is made up of both mom and dad parts. When you criticize mom you criticize one-half of your child. Even if mom is crazy this only tends to make your child feel insecure about herself.
7. Telling Dad he can’t see the kids until he gives you the monthly child support check or pays a certain bill or telling your child he can’t go to Dad’s because he hasn’t finished cleaning his room. Seeing a parent is not related to paying bills or doing chores. Get over yourself on this one because the judge will hate you if he finds out you did this.
8. Give this bill to your father and tell him he better send a check back when he drops you off or asking your child to give certain bills to the other parent when you know the other parent’s reaction to this isn’t going to be good. Again, way to put your kid in the middle of your divorce and cause them additional, unnecessary stress.
9. Grilling, interrogating or encouraging your child to spy on the other parent solely so that you can get information that you think might help your divorce case. Kids just want to have fun. Don’t turn your kid into a spy because the next thing you know your kid will be spying on you and you’ll regret you ever thought about suggesting this.
10. Telling your child that someday you might get back together with your ex. Keep your delusional thoughts to yourself. Your child doesn’t want nor deserve to be put in the middle.