Missouri Family Law Blog

How to keep some sanity while going through a divorce

I have officially lost track of the number of people I have divorced over the years. I know it’s a lot. Divorce affects almost every area of your life: your children, finances, your home, maybe your job, and your emotional wellbeing. Here are some tips for maintaining your sanity during this difficult time:

1. Get a good therapist. There is no substitute for having an outside, unbiased person who is trained to listen and talk to you about the emotional upheaval going on in your life. What you tell the therapist is confidential and generally cannot be used against you in court. Most judges do not want to penalize parties for seeking individual therapy while going through a divorce. I charge $200 per hour and am trained to give you legal advice. A therapist is usually much cheaper and they have the training that I do not. Getting a good therapist could save you a bundle in attorney fees.
2. Find an outlet. Find something to do on a regular basis that relieves stress for you and that cannot have an impact on your divorce. Exercise, garden, volunteer, knit, etc. I prefer exercise because you can take out the aggression you often feel towards your spouse on the track, on the bike, or in the water. Retail therapy is not an outlet and will only come back to haunt you in divorce court. Spending extra time in the bar or with your girlfriend/boyfriend is also not an outlet that is going to gain you any ground in your divorce. Find a healthy place to take out your aggression. It will make a difference and give you perspective.
3. Laugh at least once a week. Getting divorced is depressing. You are losing at least half of your assets and probably a significant amount of time that you were used to spending with your children. Find something to laugh about at least once a week. Go to a movie, a comedy night, get together with friends, journal or find something to laugh about once a week. It will put it all in perspective for you.
4. Choose who you will listen to. I can think of many a time when well meaning parents, siblings, and close friends have sabotaged a divorce by giving unwanted or flat out wrong advice. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Even the most well meaning parent cannot ultimately tell you what the right decision is going to be for your case. Only you know.  Keep in mind every divorce case is different. Be very careful about who you will listen to as you go through the divorce.
5. Get a good lawyer. Find a lawyer you can talk to, ask questions of, that you feel is listening to you, and is actively working on your case. If you are reading this blog go to our website www.columbiamolawfirm.com and find out about the great lawyers that make up our legal team and who are available to help you through this difficult time.